Relationships and Expectations
Meaningful Relationships
What did you think of when you saw this picture below? Perhaps a mom with her child. She has taken him to the beach and she is watching him play, making sure he doesn't go too far into the water. There are so many assumptions we make about a situation or what someone else will do based on what they are to us.
We think of a mom as a woman who's whole reason is her children. She lives for them, she feeds them, protects them from harm, provides for them physically and emotionally.
All these unexpressed expectations get us into trouble. They set us up for frustration, anger, or hurt when it doesn't pan out. Plus, who can live up to them? If we removed their label of parent, friend, sibling, boss would we still have that same expectation? Tony Robbins talks about this as the difference between standards and expectations. Standards are guidelines for what we will accept in the present moment, and expectations are what we want to happen in the future. So for instance, love, kindness, and respect can be standards for all your relationships. An expectation is when you think your spouse should know to take out the garbage that's been sitting there for several days.
In the morning, I often find myself making the kids lunches, getting them out of bed, and getting the kids dressed for the day. I can get frustrated when I am running around if my husband is still in bed taking his time waking up. However, it goes much better for me if I pull him aside and talk with him about how we can both get the kids ready and out the door.
Said a different way, we each have a choice. You can chose not to hold these unexpressed expectations and instead open up a dialogue or focus on what you appreciate about that person.
We all have expectations on someone or some situation. Take a moment this week to catch yourself in the moment and take responsibility for it or get a conversation started. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!
